staple presents - A Divine Calgarian: Owen's Inferno Aug 9, 2016 23:06:08 GMT -5
Post by staple on Aug 9, 2016 23:06:08 GMT -5
Sinister Minister walks into focus with his pet Little Boogey on a chain walks into focus in front of a burning lake of Sulfur.
Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I am the Sinister Minister and I will be your narrator for the evening.
Tonight, you will not see a wrestling show. No, you will not. Instead, you will see a man battle for his eternity. Having a glimpse into this event… into this world, is a very special experience not to be taken lightly.
Owen Hart was a young man who, despite being a good person, was constantly weighed down in life by many demons before one of his greatest loves in life, wrestling, led to his untimely demise. Tonight, you’ll get the opportunity to see him attempt to slay those demons in an effort to rescue his very soul.
He’ll enter into an eternity of bliss and happiness or be torn apart trying. So we'll either have a great night of family entertainment or... catch hell trying.
You see... starting off, young Owen Hart had the same fears as any young wrestler. He didn't want to screw up in the ring in front of everyone.
His first battle for his soul will take place against a squad representative of that fear in the form of some of the worst excuses for wrestlers to ever ... grace ... a wrestling ring led by Queen Botch herself, Eva Marie.
Result: Owen makes somewhat quick work of the four of the worst wrestlers to ever step into a ring. Owen throws Kizarny into Nathan Jones before hooking both Eva Marie and B.B. and hitting a double Northern Lights suplex for the pin and win.
Upon slaying the demon of botching, young Owen fights the biggest fight that any rookie faces. He fights to be relevant in the world of professional wrestling.
Whether it be his skill or family name, the young up-and-comer got a chance to prove his worth at Wrestlemania V under the guise of the Blue Blazer. In his second match, he must go toe-to-toe with the embodiment of irrelevance, Johnny Attitude and Dudley Dudley.
Result: The Relevance Commission is a bit more of a challenge for Owen but he is able to pull out a win after taking out the knee of Dudley Dudley and quickly jumping on the top rope to hit Johnny Attitude with a diving splash and the win.
After forcing himself into relevance and defeating that beast, Owen got the treatment that so many young promising stars get, he was forced into tag team after tag team. Whether it be with Jim Neidhart, Koko B. Ware or Yokozuna, Owen was never allowed to break out on his own.
He now must face the demon of tag team turmoil but the wrestling gods have seen fit to bless him with someone who can really rally him up during the match and set him up for the oh-so-necessary "hot" tag.
Now the pair known as the New New Hart Foundation must face demons in the form of four men who were all known for one thing and one thing only, being in a terrible, terrible tag team.
Result: Ricky Ortiz spends much of the match getting beaten down by the Heart Throbs and the Dicks. As Ricky crawls to the corner, both Heart Throbs grab a leg but in a true act of heroism, Ricky dives anyway resulting in his legs being torn off just as his hand makes contact with Owen's. Owen comes in like a house of fire before finally picking up a dismembered leg of Ricky Ortiz, clubbing Romeo over the head and jackknifing him for the pin.
After proving that he can stand on his own two feet, Owen was faced with being put in the ring versus his big brother and bonafide WWF Hall of Famer Bret "Hitman" Hart.
Owen was faced with the biggest demon yet when he was forced to face the darkness of his brothers shadow. Despite being ever-so-close to glory, Owen found this to be the most difficult task embodied in the form of Eric Angle and Garrett Bischoff; two men who will never be able to escape their last name.
Result: Worn down from his previous few matches, Owen really struggles with the less known members of the Bischoff and Angle family. As the young Bischoff struggles to hook a snapmare driver, Owen hooks in a beast choke. When Eric Angle tries to save him, Owen dumps Bischoff, hits a quick step-up enziguri and gets the pin.
Owen finally proved that he was his own man and became the King of Harts but that quickly turned to him being given terrible gimmick after terrible gimmick.
Owen was a wrestler shoe-horned into a land of "sports entertainment." The demon of entertainment is one that many wrestlers have never been able to overcome and with Owen just a few steps away from paradise, it would be a tragedy for him to fall now.
He must overcome the demons of gimmicks who have taken on the likeness of Boogeyman and Adam Rose, two men who only ever got any camera time because of the gimmicks they portrayed.
Result: Owen takes quite the beating from Boogeyman before risking his soul via disqualification and reverting to heelish ways and catching Boogey low with a kick to the groin. As Adam Rose tries to make the save, Owen lays him out with a superkick. Boogey stumbles back to his feet just in time for Hart to setup and execute a victory roll for the pin.
He did it! Owen proved that he's able to beat every demon put in front of him but just when he seemed victorious, he was shoved back to where he started... the Blue Blazer gimmick.
Despite being one of the best wrestlers in the world, Owen was forced to portray himself and his career as a joke. In order to slay this demon, he must defeat two monstrosities who have chosen to take on the likeness of Stone Cold Shark Boy and Duane "Gillberg" Gill.
Both of these individuals were given one task, make a joke out of the career of two of the biggest stars of all time. Owen will be damned if that's what's going to happen to his career.
Result: Owen is barely able to stand at this point and takes tons of knock-off offense from Stone Cold Shark Boy and Gillberg. However, Blazer is able to reverse a whip to the ropes by Gillberg and catch him with a concussive hook kick on the rebound. Shark Boy tries to take charge but Blazer quickly hits him with a gut kick and follows it up with a reverse piledriver for the win.
It's over! He did it! Owen has defeated all of his demons but one does not simply walk through the gates of wrestling paradise. No. He must defeat three angelic guardians in the form of men whose entire WWF career was based on protection.
Bam Neely was the heavy at the side of Chavo Guerrero and the Gymini watched the back of Simon Dean. Now, these three men stand at the gates of glory and if Owen can defeat them, he will earn eternal bliss.
Result: Just as it seems like Owen has nothing left, he seems to find a second wind and comes out of the gates like a man on fire(no pun intended). He knows that this is it... if he can defeat these thread angelic guardians, he'll receive his eternal reward. The Gymini go for a double suplex but Owen blocks it and lands a double DDT. Neely tries to hook the full nelson slam from behind but Owen ducks down, picks he leg, spins around and locks in the sharpshooter for the submission victory.
AND he does it.... UNTIL!
Palmer Cannon suddenly shows up:
I'm sorry folks, I'm sorry Mr. Sinister but as representative of the Heavenly Network, I can't let this evening end with some nothing 3 vs. 1 underdog story victory. If Mr. Hart wants to enter the pearly gates, he's going to have to give us a boss fight. All or nothing, him vs. Death itself. If he wins, he gets eternal paradise, if he loses... well... he better hope he doesn't lose.
Ahem, well isn't this a welcomed addition. An all or nothing, soul on a pole match. If Owen is able to upset Death himself in the form of 1,000 deaths, he will earn his eternal reward otherwise... well, I'll need another leash and Little Boogey will have a new friend.